Defining Your Values
Language is complex. Although each word has a cut-and-dry dictionary definition, we assign additional meaning to words (connotation) based on our own experiences and perspectives.
For several weeks now, I’ve been talking about core values, but I haven’t really touched on the meanings of the words you choose as your core values.
Which is why, although I originally thought this series on “Mining for Values” was complete with last week’s entry, I’ve realized there’s something else to say. The process is important—but so is our clarity in choosing the words that define us best.
Why Word Choice Matters: Understanding the Meaning Attached
Thinking back to when I did my own “Mining for Values” process for the very first time, I can remember the sense of relief and satisfaction when I narrowed down my list to those six core values.
In my excitement, I started talking to people close to me. I wanted to share my values. I wanted to be known and understood more deeply. And I wanted to shout from the rooftops about this amazing experience I’d had naming my values.
So, in a conversation with my sister, I proudly rattled off my six value words…only to be met by a look of confusion.
My sister was baffled by one of the values I had named. She’s known me for my entire life, and one of the words just didn’t seem to fit. It was the word “Freedom.”
For a split second, I panicked. Did I get it wrong? Was this an aspirational value that I wished was true but really wasn’t? Or was the value true but I just wasn’t living it enough for her to see it?
Turns out, none of those were true. The problem was one of interpretation. She heard an entirely different meaning in this value word than I intended.
In that moment, I knew that I needed to define what my values mean to me—not just so others could understand, but so that I could gain more clarity.
Defining Core Values: Reflecting on the Meaning
My solution was to go to my journal. I wrote a few paragraphs about each value. And after this brain dump, I was able to craft a couple sentences for each value word to describe what it means to me and why it is important.
These are two of the descriptions I came up with:
🌿 My value of CONNECTION means I prioritize and feel invigorated by spending quality time and having quality conversations with the people in my innermost circle. It also means I seek to have authentic connections with people beyond my inner circle. These connections help me feel safe, joyful, and alive.
🌿 My value of IMPACT means I seek to make a difference in the world. I especially want to help make an impact for other people. When I evaluate projects and consider where I should spend my time, the potential to make an impact and for whom is always top-of-mind.
Something interesting happened through that process. I became aware that one of the words I’d selected wasn’t quite right. No surprise, but it was the word my sister questioned that turned out to need more attention. This realization got me started on a quest to find a better word to encapsulate the value I was trying to describe.
The word I had originally chosen was “Freedom,” but when I started to brain dump I realized I was envisioning empowerment, independence, and personal responsibility. That’s not what most people think of when they hear the word freedom!
Over time, after trying out a few other contenders, I landed on the word “Agency” for that value. Of all of my values, this one is the most challenging for others to understand, just based on the word.
🌿 My value of AGENCY means that I take responsibility for my choices, and especially for my mindset. By prioritizing agency, I seek to notice when I slip into victim thinking so I can shift into a more empowered mindset. I work at showing up to my most important roles and relationships as my best self, the person I know I’m capable of being.
You can see why this one was a bit more challenging to define. But now that I have, so much makes sense about how I behave, what bothers me, and when I feel most powerful.
Putting It Into Practice
If you’re still following along, this is your final, bonus exercise in the “Mining for Values” process (see below for links):
Write about each word you chose. Come up with a sentence or short paragraph that explains that value. This description isn’t meant to be a justification of the value. Remember, you don’t need to defend your core values to anyone.
Instead, think of these sentences as a clarification. They add nuance to your value word so it can be understood and applied.
I hope this process helps you better understand your values. And should you decide to share your values with others (which I hope you will), these sentences will help them better understand who you are and what’s most important to you.